


I hereby consent

by Sapphy



Category: DCU, Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Bureaucracy, Consent, Gen, I guess this also works as a character meme, Meta, Paperwork, and emergency contact forms?, and how complicated legal waivers must be, and the waivers, and then I write the forms, because i do - Freeform, do you ever just think about how weird comics are?, or prompt meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 13:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12706044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphy/pseuds/Sapphy
Summary: Congratulations on being accepted into the Teen Titans. Before you are allowed to participate in any missions, you will be required to fill out the attached forms.





	I hereby consent

**Author's Note:**

> IDK guys, this idea just occurred to me and I thought it was funny.
> 
> If people are interested I may do completed versions of the Extraordinary Circumstances forms

Dear ________

Congratulations on being officially accepted into the Teen Titans/Titans.

Before you are permitted to engage in any further missions with the team and/or move either temporarily or permanently into Titans Tower, please complete the attached forms and return them to this email address.

If this is not done without one week, we will assume you have changed your mind about membership, and will not contact you again. (The only exceptions are for serious injury/illness, bereavement or extra-planetary missions).

Kind regards,

Cyborg

 

* * *

 

**Extraordinary circumstances form**

 

1\. In the event of your serious injury or death, please give the names and contact numbers of anyone you wish us to contact: _____________________________

 

2\. Please nominate a teammate to act as your medical proxy is cases of extreme emergency: ________________________________

 

3\. Please nominate a person to act as your medical proxy in all other cases: ___________________________________

 

4\. In the event of your being physically and mentally de-aged into a child, please nominate someone to act your your guardian: __________________________________

 

5\. In the event of your being physically de-aged into a child physically only, please nominate someone to act as your guardian in public: __________________________________

 

6\. Please nominate a teammate to engage in any borderline sexual or psuedo sexual intimacy in cases of emergency (e.g. kissing to awaken you from a magical coma, or to avert suspicion while undercover): _______________________________________________

 

7\. If you are exposed to a truth serum how would you prefer we proceed:

  1. Keep you away from the general public and supervillains, but otherwise proceed as normal
  2. Keep you away from all sentient beings and monitor my vitals only
  3. Keep you away from the following people (plus the general public and supervillains) only:



___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

 

8\. In the event of a sex-pollen situation, your preferred course of action would be:

  1. Orgy
  2. Lock everyone in separate rooms until the effects wear off
  3. Lock you in a separate room, but everyone else can do what they like
  4. Lock you up with the following person or people (pending their express consent):



___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

 

9\. In the event that sexual intimacy is necessary for your survival and you are not considered able to give consent, please list below your preferred option:

  1. Let me die
  2. Put me into cryostasis/ the negative zone/ some other coma-like state until a cure can be found (time allowing)
  3. Someone sex me up, I’m not fussy and I don’t want to die
  4. I give prior consent to sexual intimacy, under the above-described circumstances, with the following members of the team (please list team-mates in order of preference):



I   ___________________________________________

II  ___________________________________________

III ___________________________________________

IV ___________________________________________

V  ___________________________________________

 

10\. In the event of being dosed with hallucinogens or other non-toxic mind-altering substances (excluding those situations already described above) how would you prefer we proceed:

  1. Leave me entirely alone (excepting monitoring my vitals)
  2. Deliver me to this address where I will be cared for:
  3. Let me run loose in the tower and film everything I do so we can laugh about it later
  4. Let me run loose, but ensure I don’t come into contact with the following people:



___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

      5. Leave me in the care of one or more of the following specific people:

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

 

11\. In the event of me doing something potentially disturbing or traumatising which I do not remember afterwards (e.g. strangling a live cat - don’t ask) I would like you to:

  1. Never tell me, destroy all record of it, swear any witnesses to secrecy
  2. Leave me alone to view the footage/read written witness accounts
  3. Show me the footage/relate eyewitness accounts with the team present to provide moral support
  4. Give me the content warnings and let me decide at the time



 

12\. In the event of me doing something embarrassing or hilarious which I do not remember afterwards, I would like you to:

  1. Never tell me, destroy all record of it, swear any witnesses to secrecy
  2. Leave me alone to view the footage/read written witness accounts
  3. Show me the footage/relate eyewitness accounts with the team present to provide moral support
  4. Immediately upload it to social media and tag me in it
  5. Give me the content warnings and let me decide at the time



 

13\. I have severe or debilitating fears of the following things (please include everything, not only things you think we’re likely to encounter as a team - we’ve have to fight both evil clowns and the certain knowledge of our own deaths before, so it pays to cover all bases):

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

  
14\. I am likely to non-standard reactions which could potentially distract myself and my team-mates (arousal, violent rage, unexpected shapeshifting, panic attacks etc) in the presence of the following stimuli:

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

___________________________________________

 

I hereby agree that this information will be shared with my team-mates as deemed necessary by the senior members of the team. I understand that it is my duty to keep these records updated, and that any disturbing or dangerous situations resulting from out of date information are my own damn fault.

Signed: __________________________________________________ 

 

* * *

 

** Waiver and consent form **

 

I ________________________________________________ (insert name here), agree to the following conditions of membership to the Teen Titans/Titans, and residence in Titans Tower:

  1. I agree that I will never knowingly attempt to cause genuine harm to any of my team-mates and that doing so is grounds for instant dismissal from the team
  2. I agree that any sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic etc comment which is not immediately followed by a sincere apology and genuine attempted to improve my behaviour is grounds for termination
  3. I agree that if a team member attempted to kill me while under mind control, I will not allow this to influence my future interactions with them, and that if I do not feel this is possible, I will quit the team
  4. I agree that any injuries sustained as a result of involving myself in Batfamily feuds are my own stupid fault and I will not expect sympathy from my teammates
  5. I consent to being monitored electronically and physically while in the tower by both Cyborg and the resident Batfamily members
  6. I agree that sex is to be kept out of the common areas of the tower unless you have prior consent from all residents to their witnessing said sex
  7. I will not question the dietary choices of any team member, and any concerns about the effect of a team-mate’s diet on their health will be taken to a senior Titan to be discussed before any action is taken. (In particular, you will never try to persuade or trick Garfield Logan into eating meat).
  8. I agree that I will never reveal the secret identity of a team-mate to anyone without their express consent, even if it seems like that person I’m talking to already knows
  9. What happens in Titans Tower stays in Titans Tower
  10. I agree that, while surveillance is permitted within the tower, I will not bug or monitor (magically, physically, electronically or by any other means) any team member’s bedroom without their consent, or the bathrooms or showers without the consent of all parties
  11. I agree that the recording of sex acts is subject to separate consent from the above, and that all recording and monitoring must cease when you become aware sex is taking place, and all recordings of such acts must be destroyed (unless you have specific permission to monitor or record that specific encounter).
  12. I agree that I will not use the access granted by the tower to monitor or surveil any team member outside the tower/Titans missions.
  13. I agree that I will not touch or otherwise interact with any object in the tower unless I know what it is and what it does, and have the consent of the object's owner. This especially applies to Starfire’s incense, which is not suitable for human use)
  14. I agree that I will not knowingly consume any Class 1 drug (or as-yet unclassified equivalents) within the tower, subject to state specific law
  15. I agree to never knowingly be a dick, and to always apologise when it happens accidentally
  16. I agree that I will not enter another team-mate’s bedroom without their consent, and that this consent can be withdrawn at any time
  17. I understand that the television is to be shared, and no one person can always have the remote
  18. I understand that sparring accidents will happen, and I will not bear grudges as a result
  19. I will always ask permission before petting Garfield Logan (or any future team-mate who looks pettable)
  20. I will not trample the flower-beds or otherwise destroy any plant on the Island without Starfire’s express permission. This includes eating them.



 

Signed: ________________________________________________________________

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to use this/fill it out/steal it for your preferred fandom, just remember to credit me!


End file.
